Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
