yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Holy sore nipples Batman
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
