What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
