I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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