forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
