No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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