I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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