New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
