Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
