I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
