Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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