I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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