I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
