I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Found your dick twin last night
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I am available for nakedness
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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