i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Plan B is the new Plan A
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
two words...techno handjob
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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