I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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