we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
