Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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