I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
