i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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