OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
