the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
