Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
