So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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