I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize