My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
