i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I don't deserve a penis
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just high enough for therapy.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
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