u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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