my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
