It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
