my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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