drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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