Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Me too!
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
