You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
