I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize