He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
