So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize