a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
