I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
