Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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