That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
