i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
