The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
