I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
home. puking in laundry basket.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
