I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I lost the right to judge tonight
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
