just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
