i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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