I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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