It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
