Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
