I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize