Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
