and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize