Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
