I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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