We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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