we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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