he thought i was a dude.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
