So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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