would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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