she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Houston, we have a squirter
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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